Bill DuBois: Always in God's Hands

The miracles of God's guidance, assurance, and love
have abounded throughout Bill's stay in the hospital,
as well as since he arrived safely home in God's arms.

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This page will chronicle those experiences,
and I hope some of YOU will be willing to share
your rainbow, peacock, and other stories
which have given you peace and gratitude through this time.

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I am soliciting
stories and pictures of Bill
to be emailed to me at
jbdubois@teleport.com.

A friend from my church was given these thoughts on 11/25/99, Thanksgiving Day. I shared these with Bill's loved ones and caretakers through the phone update message, a notice in Bill's room, and personal sharing. Although a challenge to consider, the words below rang true for me, and they also gave me peace to accept God's will. --Jeanine * * * The healing energy of music and the energy that comes through [my friend from church and others], reiki, etc., can be used for physical and spiritual healing or for spiritual healing and releasing from his [Bill's] body - either one. The energy is healing, either way. It depends on God's will as to how it is to be used. It is important that prayers be asking for God's will and Bill's highest good - not directed specifically to physical healing. None of us can know what is best. My sense is that Bill hasn't decided whether to stay or go - that others' wants are pulling at him too strongly for him to really listen to the voice of God within. At the deepest level, Bill's wants and God's will are one. There is no difference. Bill needs to know that those he loves, love and support him, whatever he chooses, and that they won't interpret his leaving his body as desertion, abandonment, giving up, or not loving them. This doesn't mean that he will leave. He may or may not. He needs to be free of trying to be there for and take care of those he loves, of doing what they so want in this case. Only then can he do God's will (or, then it is much easier for him to) - whether that is to leave or to stay and heal. Meanwhile, he keeps waffling back and forth. This doesn't mean we can't want him to recover and recover fully. Just that we need to free him to follow God's leadings and that we need to support him.

The following song was written by Laurie Schaad,
a friend from my church, on November 23, 1999.
Here's what she wrote about it, "I read the first verse in a book
in a dream, sprang awake, and within minutes
had written the rest of the song. As I was writing it,
I knew that it was for Bill, and for Jeanine, and also for me.
And I knew that, in some way that I do not mentally understand,
there truly is no such thing as darkness."

I Heard the Darkness Sing ©1999 by Laurie Schaad Once upon a wondrous night, I heard the darkness sing; I saw a tapestry ocean flow, I heard the darkness sing. The stars were dancing through the dark; the moon was dancing too, As the darkness sang a song of light For the love of me and you. The angels held us in their arms (I saw what can't be seen) As the God of all wove dark and light Into one tapestry. Our hearts are dancing through the dark; Our lives are dancing too, As the darkness sings a song of light For the love of me and you. The angels hold us in their hearts (I see what can't be seen) As the God of all weaves dark and light Into life's mystery. Our God is dancing through the dark; All life is dancing too, As the darkness sings its song of light For the love of me and you. Yes, once upon a wondrous night, I heard the darkness sing; I saw a tapestry ocean flow, I heard the darkness sing.

On 11/29/99, the Monday night before Bill died, I knew in my heart that he was going to die. His blood pressure dropped as low as 78/13 with the blood pressure medications at their maximum levels. I called all of Bill's children and my family, too. With the erratic changes in his condition - from looking deathly ill to dramatic improvement over night and back again - this was actually the fifth time I had told Bill's kids that I didn't know if Bill was going to survive, so I'm sure it was easy to believe he had yet another rally in him, as I had believed many times. But that night I knew that he didn't. The next day, in the early morning hours, Laurie Schaad wrote another song for Bill. When I heard this song "I Will Walk You to the Light" that Tuesday, I was so touched by the beauty which God promised Bill, and I was reassured that my intuition was right.

I Will Walk You to the Light ©1999 by Laurie Schaad I will walk you to the Light, I will walk you to the Light, To the brightest light that we will ever know. I will walk you to the Light, I will walk you to the Light, I will walk you to the Light that calls you Home. Calls you Home, that calls you Home. I will walk you to the Light that calls you Home. Calls you Home, that calls you Home. I will walk you to the Light that calls you Home. I will walk you to the Light, I will walk you to the Light, I will walk beside you far as I can go. I will walk you to the Light, I will walk you to the Light, I will walk you to the Light, you're not alone. Not alone, you're not alone. I will walk you to the Light, you're not alone. Not alone, you're not alone. I will walk you to the Light, you're not alone. I will walk you to the Light, I will walk you to the Light, When you find the time has come for you to go, I will walk you to the Light, I will walk you to the Light, I will walk you to the Light, I love you so. Love you so, I love you so. I will walk you to the Light, I love you so. Love you so, I love you so. I will walk you to the Light, I love you so. November 30, 1999 4:15 a.m. To Bill DuBois

Also on that Tuesday, 11/30/99, Laurie wrote this song for Bill. At the same time that it shows the rejoicing for the happiness he will soon know, Laurie did shed tears and feel sad about losing him. I have experienced the same feelings since Bill died, mostly since we have been so blessed to receive messages from Bill as to his happiness with God (more on that later).

You're Going Home ©1999 by Laurie Schaad You're going Home; You're going Home! And the world is dancing with joy for you! You're going Home; You're going Home! And my spirit is dancing with joy. My spirit is dancing, It says I must rise. Slumber calls me and calls me, but I cannot hear, For you're going Home, To a Home of such love As you never, no never, in this life have known. You're going Home; You're going Home! And the stars are all dancing with joy for you! You're going Home; You're going Home! And my spirit is dancing with joy. My body is dancing, It says I must move. Reason calls me and calls me, but I cannot hear, For you're going Home, To a Home of such joy As you never, no never, in this life have known. You're going Home; You're going Home! All the angels are dancing with joy for you! You're going Home; You're going Home! And my spirit is dancing with joy. My spirit is dancing, My work waits undone. Duty calls me and calls me, but I cannot hear, For you're going Home, To a Home of such love As you never, no never, in this life have known. You're going Home; You're going Home! All creation is dancing with joy for you! You're going Home; You're going Home! And my spirit is dancing with joy. Yes, my spirit is dancing with joy.

On Wednesday, December 1st, a friend woke up at 3:33 with a dream in her mind. The time struck me, since in Biblical numerology, three is the number for God. She dreamt that Bill's body and spirit were attached by a golden umbilical cord, and that for his spirit to be free, the umbilical cord had to be cut. Ordinarily Bill would cut his own cord, but because of the machines, he was unable to do so. He needed our help to cut the cord by removing the life support. This was truly an answer to prayer for me. By this time, after 3 1/2 weeks of critically low blood pressure, 6 doctors became convinced that there was no hope of Bill's physical recovery, short of a miracle. The day before Bill's surgery, his last written request had been that if he was to become terminally ill, he did not want to be left on life support. He had assigned me as his health care representative, and I had been praying to God with all my heart to show me when. The dream was my answer. That Wednesday night we had a family meeting with the doctor and nurse. We decided to follow Bill's wishes the next day after family had more time with him. We decided that he would be given Morphine and Versed, so that he would be unconscious without pain or struggle, and then only the blood pressure medicines would be turned off. We felt that left room for a miracle if God chose to eliminate the most life-threatening part of Bill's illness. At such a time, so close to death, it would be natural to fear whether your life had been good enough to spend eternity with God. As I recall, that's when Laurie Schaad shared the following song with me. She wrote it on October 23rd, not necessarily for Bill, but now we saw how beautifully it applied to him, too, as he would soon be joining God, and he would want the comfort of knowing how precious he is in God's eyes. The morning after Bill's death, both his oldest daughter Cindy and I woke up with this song ringing in our minds. We knew that Laurie should sing it at Bill's memorials, which she did, and we felt that it might be Bill's way of telling us that now that he is with God, Bill truly knows that we are all wonderful.

And We Are Wonderful ©1999 by Laurie Schaad God made all we can see, every flower and tree, Every elephant and each giraffe. He made birds of the air, every tortoise and hare, And He made all hyenas that laugh. He made fishes that swim, everything that pleased Him, For He wanted creation to be Filled with color and light, a creator's delight, Living wonders forever to see. And God made you, and God made me, And we are wonderful, as are the flowers and trees. And God made me, and God made you: I know we're wonderful; I hope you know that too. God made rivers and seas, and the wind in the trees, Every sparrow, each crow and each hawk. She made lions that growl, and coyotes that howl, Human beings that know how to talk. She made clouds that pour rain, and the echo's refrain, And all hearts that are meant to flow free. She made rainbows of light, all the stars of the night, Every wonder that ever will be. And God made you, and God made me, And we are wonderful, as I can clearly see. And God made me, and God made you, And we are wonderful, and that is what is true.

Laurie wrote a similar version of "Lighter Than Air" on July 2, 1999, and then she created this adaptation for Bill on 12/1/99, the day before Bill died. The tune is truly uplifting and lighter than air itself. I hope some day we can get someone to write the musical notations for these beautiful songs, so they can fill your spirit as they do mine.

Lighter Than Air ©1999 by Laurie Schaad Chorus: Lighter than air; lighter than a feather; Lighter than air, is my heart. Lighter than air; lighter than sunshine; Lighter than moonglow; lighter than air.   God, You fill my heart with joy; As You open me to loving. Now You heal me as I walk beside You, Hand in hand, through fear. God, You free me from my bondage; You release my imprisoned heart. You are giving me another chance To be the child You made: I'm lighter than air.   Chorus God, You fill my heart with peace; As You wrap Your love around me. Now You heal me as I walk beside You, Hand in hand, through fear. You are melting down the icy walls That have locked away my heart. You are giving me, a second time, The love you meant me for: I'm lighter than air.   Chorus

Laurie also wrote the song "Love I Wrap Around You" to Bill on 12/1/99, the day before Bill died.

Love I Wrap Around You ©1999 by Laurie Schaad Love I wrap around you; Love I wrap around you. Love I wrap around you, All around you, my friend. Love is here to fill you; Love is here to fill you. Love is here to fill you, To overflowing, my friend. Peace... Joy... Truth... Faith... Light... Grace...

Laurie wrote the song "I Must Move" the morning of December 2nd, 1999, the day Bill died. It really seemed to be more from Bill than for him. It feels that way to me, too. Laurie plays a beautiful Native American drum to accompany this song.

I Must Move ©1999 by Laurie Schaad I must move: This is some kind of liberation. It is time to go, Let my spirit flow, And it's time for me to move. Time to move; It's time to move. I have loved you all, And I love you still, But it's time for me to move. I must move: This is Divine revelation. I am led to go, Let my spirit flow, And I know that I must move. I must move; It's time to move. I have loved you all, And I love you still, But it's time for me to move. Time to move; Time to move. Time to move; Time to move.

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The Frog Story recounted by Jeanine This is a true story that happened the day Bill died. It gave me assurance that Bill is happy and with God.... That morning, December 2, 1999, a friend was getting ready to come to the hospital and be with Bill when he died. As she reached for a necklace to wear, a different necklace - a frog necklace that she had not seen or worn for a couple years - fell out of the closet. She felt that it was meant to be worn that day for Bill's passing, and she realized that I should wear it. She changed the satin cord from black to cranberry, a color that had been repeatedly given to Bill through his process of preparing to die. (Interestingly enough, I almost never wear that color, but the dress I wore that day had that very color in it.) My friend shared with me some of the symbolism of frogs.... They represent cleansing because they bury themselves in the mud. Frogs are symbolic of the connection between body and spirit because they live on the land (body) and in the water (spirit). Someone else told her that in Japan there is a group who hold the cultural belief that frogs represent a safe trip home. These folks, when going on a trip, will place a frog in a pocket, purse, or such. While in the hospital, a visiting nurse told us that FROG is also a growing Christian acronym for Forever Relying On God. I was touched by the symbolism and happily wore the frog pendant. This friend had to leave for an appointment not long after Bill died, but she called me 90 minutes after his death to tell me of her adventure upon her return home.... She returned to pick up the mess in her closet (falling necklaces and all), and a hangar fell down. She really didn't think she had bumped it, but she put it back. Then it fell down again, and she KNEW she hadn't bumped it. So she reached in behind where the hangar had been and discovered the frog bookend that you see below. It was Bill and God's way of saying, "I'm home safe." My friend let me wear the pendant until I was ready to give it back. The night Bill died, I wore it to bed, and when I awoke in the night, I held onto it, saying to Bill and to God, "I'm so grateful you're home safe, Honey." Frankly, I think the bookend is a wonderful representation of God's sense of humor. Bill was a Leo and had the ego and the flash of a Leo. This frog bookend "strutting his stuff" couldn't be more appropriate to Bill!

 

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There's a special story that goes with this peacock picture. I'll ask our friends Laurie and Pat to write their parts of it. It's another miracle, so look forward to more stories....

--Love from Jeanine

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