"If we wish to change our sentiments, it is 
             necessary before all to modify the idea which 
             produced them, and to recognize either that it 
             is not correct itself, or that it does not 
             touch our interests."
                                           W. E. B. DuBois
          
          
            "Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is 
             worth living and your belief will help create 
             the fact."
                                           William James
          
          
                                  6.
                        OUR SCRIPT IS CREATED
          
              Dr. Berne went on to create a school of
          psychology called Transactional Analysis, or "TA," in
          which the three ego states are fundamental concepts.
          Another important concept in TA is that of "life
          scripts" (Berne, 1972). These concepts have proven so
          valuable that in some form they influence most mental
          health counseling today. TA also asserts that part of
          people's inability to live well is due to being
          taught early in life, often very subtly, not to do
          one or more of three important aspects to living: to
          feel, to think, and to love. These injunctions
          against feeling, thinking, and loving often become an
          integral part of our life script, and consequently
          they become significant obstacles to achieving our
          potential.
              In the story of "The Mutiny On The Bounty,"
          Captain Bligh was following a life script which was
          no longer appropriate for the circumstances. He was
          also cut off from much of his ability to feel and
          love. Even though he was somewhat rational, his
          thinking Adult was contaminated by the stern rules
          and preconceived judgements of his Parent ego state.
          And the results of his script were tragic.
              Not all life scripts are like Capt. Bligh's, and
          neither do they always lead to such negative
          outcomes. But in many instances scripts will take one
          of three distinct patterns: the helpless victim, the
          fervent critic or persecutor, or the selfless helper. 
          In addition, people's scripts are often dominated by
          one ego state which shuts out the other ego states.
          Sometimes people even create scripts for themselves
          that form a healthy balance and lead them to real
          fulfillment and love.
          
          MESSAGES AND DECISIONS
              Life scripts are comparable to a movie plot we
          mentally form for ourselves when we are children,
          which we then accept as how our lives are destined to
          proceed and turn out. These scripts are formed as a
          result of two important influences during childhood. 
          The first is the messages conveyed to us in the form
          of injunctions (rules and practices we were to
          follow) and attributions (characteristics we were
          somehow told we did or didn't possess). The second
          influence is the decisions we made as children that
          were based on what we thought at the time was needed
          to best survive.
              In childhood we are taught by direct
          communication, and perhaps even more significant, we
          learn from the many obscure messages which we usually
          aren't even aware of. Both ways effectively teach us
          important lessons that we carry into adulthood.
          However, the obscure messages often lead to more
          perplexing problems because their lessons operate on
          a more unconscious level, thus creating problems that
          are difficult to understand due to their hidden
          roots.
              Regardless of how we come to learn it, though,
          to the extent that we have learned not to feel, not
          to think, or not to love, we also have learned not to
          be in touch with important components to a complete
          life. Many times these negative messages are passed
          on according to gender: girls often learn they should
          feel but not think, and boys often learn they should
          think but not feel.  But because of the misleading
          ideas about love that continue to endure, most
          children learn that they should restrict their
          loving. These lessons then become incorporated into
          life scripts.
              There is also another big problem with the
          lessons we learned and the decisions we made in
          childhood: when we were children we didn't have the
          knowledge and experience to evaluate properly what we
          saw and were told. We were poor judges of the
          messages we received and of our real capabilities,
          and therefore we couldn't make the best decisions
          about how to live.
              Nevertheless, even though these messages and
          decisions are often unsound, they are formed into our
          life scripts and carried with us into adulthood,
          where they are often acted out as if that's the way
          our lives have been programmed. The scripts become
          ingrained in us so well that even when they're no
          longer appropriate, we habitually follow them in such
          a way that our beliefs and expectations are
          subsequently fulfilled (the self- fulfilling
          prophecy). Not only do we follow our scripts, but we
          act in ways that reinforce our certainty of them.
              Imagine a method of fortune-telling in which you
          are asked how you think your life will turn out, and
          your answer is based on two things in your childhood:
          the injunctions and attributions you received, and
          the immature decisions you made. This prediction you
          would make for yourself is equivalent to your primary
          life script that you will tend to follow even though
          it doesn't produce the result you really want--unless
          you change it.
          
          REWRITING OUR SCRIPT
              Fortunately, we can update and change our life
          scripts to more accurately reflect our true abilities
          and the realities of the world. This process of
          "rescripting" is done by using our rational,
          information processing Adult to become aware of the
          beliefs and rules we acquired and the decisions we
          made when we formed our scripts. Then as we identify
          these beliefs, rules, and decisions of childhood, we
          need to evaluate them and decide if they are still
          accurate and appropriate. If they aren't, we need to
          update them using rational, factual information on
          which we can better base our lives.
              Like so much else, this requires effort in being
          aware of what's going on inside ourselves. When the
          Child or Parent ego state interferes with
          accomplishing what we want, we can change our ego
          state simply by calmly observing ourselves, which
          automatically helps us move into the Adult. Then if
          we find ourselves carrying out an inappropriate
          element of our old script, we can put in its place a
          new Adult tape consisting of more sound information
          and updated decisions.
              Similarly, we can also add to our new script the
          decision to encourage the positive traits of our
          Parent and Child and disregard the unhelpful
          injunctions against these traits. Then we need to
          look for and actively promote the sense of wonder,
          creativity, and nurturing in ourselves. This is
          especially important when these have been hindered by
          another ego state and injunctions against them.
          
          A SCRIPT OUTLINE
              The variations to life scripts are almost
          endless, but a summary of one that eventually becomes
          fulfilling might go like this: In their childhood it
          was communicated (verbally and nonverbally) to some
          people that they were [strong/weak], [smart/dumb],
          [creative/uncreative], and that when they grew up
          they would [marry/never marry], have a [great
          career/dreary job], be [rich/poor], have [children/no
          children], be [happy/unhappy].  It was also to some
          extent communicated to them not to feel (boys
          predominantly), not to think (girls predominantly),
          and/or not to love (some children get the message not
          to do two or even all of these). Then these people
          lived according to what they learned and the
          decisions they made early in life, and consequently
          their lives turned out for the most part just as they
          thought it would.  But they [slowly/suddenly]
          realized they were [quietly desperate/ suffering
          greatly] and that this kind of life wasn't what they
          really wanted--so they made the decision to change
          their lives.  Then they gradually gained awareness of
          the feelings, beliefs, rules, and judgements that
          they had acquired in childhood and which were still
          affecting them, and they began to use their potential
          to [feel/think/love], which before had remained
          dormant. But all this change required tremendous
          effort and struggle, and at times their troubles and
          emotional pain became even worse. Eventually though,
          through new decisions derived from new information
          about themselves and how to live, they created a new
          life script. With practice they learned to substitute
          this new script in place of the old one. The new
          script wasn't always a success, but when it didn't
          succeed these people knew that they could learn from
          their mistakes and failures, and that the next effort
          was more likely to succeed because of what they
          learned.  Now they are more aware of their feelings
          and their ability to think and love. They can change
          their thoughts and actions, which in turn also
          changes what they feel. And they also love more
          without conditions, and they seem to have more love
          even though the amount of love they give away to
          others has increased. Though their lives aren't
          perfect, they seem relatively full and rewarding.
          
              In today's world the number of people who
          perpetually follow their initial life script seems to
          be slowly decreasing. More people are becoming aware
          that they have alternatives, and more people are
          rebelling against the scripts they acquired as
          children. The problem is that without some
          understanding of how we unconsciously reinforce our
          old script with our old tapes, and without a specific
          replacement for an old script, the task of
          successfully leaving a script behind and adopting an
          effective new one is much more difficult. To help
          insure a successful voyage, we need to wisely choose
          a specific course to follow.
          
          THE NEED FOR RECOGNITION 
              Another important aspect of life scripts is the
          concept of "strokes," which are forms of positive or
          negative recognition, both verbal and nonverbal.
          Positive strokes can take the form of friendly
          gestures, positive words, or pleasant physical
          touching--and we require some of these for a healthy
          nourishment of our inner being. The more that
          positive strokes are given unconditionally, the
          better they acknowledge the inherent worth of the
          recipients. Similarly, the more these strokes are
          given based on meeting certain requirements, the more
          the recipients are likely to feel that their
          self-worth is based on what they do, rather than
          feeling inherently worthy.
              On the opposite side are negative strokes, which
          indicate some form of disapproval, or worse yet, a
          lack of respect.  Although negative strokes can
          sometimes help people learn, they frequently
          interfere with development by causing people to feel
          less worthy and less capable. Therefore, negative
          strokes need to be given with restraint and careful
          consideration for the effect on the recipient--and
          this can be difficult to do because of our personal
          biases.
              All people require a certain amount of strokes
          to live, and the drive to obtain strokes is a
          powerful motivation behind much behavior. If people
          don't receive a sufficient amount of positive
          strokes, they will then resort to obtaining negative
          ones. Though negative strokes are unhealthy, they at
          least give recognition to a person's existence. This
          drive for at least some stroking, even if it's
          negative, can often be seen in the anti-social
          behavior of children and adults. In children it may
          be in the form of some displeasing behavior that
          brings attention, and in adults it may take the form
          of senseless rebellion or criminal behavior.
              We can use the concept of strokes in our own
          lives by examining what kind of strokes we get and
          how we go about getting them. Some people spend a
          great deal of energy trying to meet the conditions of
          other people in order to get strokes. But the
          drawback to this approach is in living according to
          the demands and conditions of others, and losing
          sight of one's own basic needs and abilities. Other
          people may receive too many negative strokes without
          realizing that they need to change the situation
          which is causing them to get so many negative ones.
          By recognizing what kind of strokes we receive and
          what we do to get them, we can then alter our lives
          so we achieve better outcomes.
              The concept of strokes can also be used to
          examine how we relate to others. The tendency of most
          people is to focus on the negative more than the
          positive, and this usually is done unconsciously.
          It's easy to fall into a pattern of giving too many
          negative strokes, and such a pattern will usually
          hurt the recipients as well as our relationships with
          them. Another pitfall is giving conditional positive
          strokes but not enough unconditional ones.
          Consequently, becoming aware of the strokes we give
          others is important for building good relationships.
          By giving positive, yet honest strokes, we can help
          to nourish others and build better relationships.
          Furthermore, we can increase the quality of the
          strokes we give by basing them more on the inherent
          worth of all people.
          
          INFERIORITY
              Another factor in our life script is a basic
          aspect of our Child ego state that was in the chapter
          on "Internal Barriers." This is the basic, universal
          situation of children being unable to care for
          themselves and being ruled by adults. As a result of
          this situation, every person's Child ego state
          acquires feelings of inadequacy and inferiority--a
          feeling of being "not OK," while others, especially
          grown-ups, appear powerful and superior. This feeling
          of being "not OK" is recorded inside us (a "not OK"
          Child tape) and carried into adulthood, where it
          keeps popping up for replay any time our button for
          it is pushed. Therefore this feeling (the "not OK"
          tape) needs to be recognized and understood when it
          gets in our way, so we can effectively deal with it
          instead of struggling against it.
              Feeling "not OK" can actually turn into an
          inferior position, and there are two common reactions
          to being in this position. The first is to play the
          role of "Victim"--willfully becoming dependent and
          acting less than equal (Karpman, 1968).  What isn't
          always obvious is that something is also gained from
          playing the role of Victim. In TA the benefit derived
          from playing a role is called the "payoff." Often the
          person playing this role (or other roles) will be
          relatively unaware of the payoff derived from staying
          in the role.
              Payoffs can be difficult to recognize, but they
          usually are what motivate people to remain in a role
          and not take action that would change their role.
          When people stay in a Victim role, the payoff in
          general can be not having to work at and/or risk
          changing to a new and unfamiliar role. The relative
          comfort of staying in a familiar situation--despite
          how bad it may be--can seem preferable to the risk
          and effort of venturing into something new and
          relatively unknown. A job or marriage may be bad, but
          what might happen if a person makes changes may be
          worse yet, and the difficulties may increase. With
          this outlook a reason to not help oneself is formed
          and maintained. A phrase common to such situations is
          "Yeah, but . . .", which precedes an excuse for not
          taking action.
              People can also stay in a Victim role by blaming
          others; again the payoff is often an excuse for not
          helping oneself--a reason not to take effective
          action. The phrase "If only . .  .", directed towards
          others, is often used in such instances.
              But regardless of how people phrase their
          excuses, by staying in the role of Victim they gain
          the payoff of avoiding the risk and effort of
          changing their lives. This payoff is a major block to
          getting out of the Victim role, and recognizing it
          can be an important step to freeing oneself from this
          role.
          
          SOPHISTICATED DISGUISES 
              The second common reaction to being in the
          inferior position of feeling "not OK" often occurs
          when people assume a status that implies or involves
          some form of superiority. Because this reaction
          begins early in life and functions like a disguise,
          it frequently isn't recognized as originating from
          feelings of inferiority. However, when people assume
          an attitude of superiority and act as if others are
          inferior to them, they are actually trying to escape
          an old inferior feeling. Sometimes such people may
          actually have more control over others, but then they
          may need to flaunt this power in order to cover up
          their deep, inner feeling of inferiority. They also
          need to maintain the status of superiority or they
          risk feeling "not OK." This process can become hidden
          in the form of two roles.
              One of these is the "Persecutor." In this role
          people elevate themselves to some position of
          superiority over others who are seen as deserving to
          be persecuted because of some perceived failing or
          inadequacy. Persecutors are often applauded in public
          and admired, as when they crusade against criminals
          or those viewed as evil or immoral. But many times
          those who play this role cause problems in society by
          causing some people to be unfairly maligned and
          sometimes unjustly persecuted.
              A lessor variation of the Persecutor is the
          "Critic," whose attitude of superiority is
          demonstrated by his or her inordinate amount of
          criticism towards other people. This person may feel
          better as a result of being so critical, but little
          is actually done to implement positive, constructive
          solutions. Often in the name of "righting wrongs,"
          such impassioned critics can spawn solutions that are
          short-sighted and consequently lead to greater
          pessimism.
              The second role, which is often a more subtle
          disguise than the first, is the "Rescuer." In this
          role people enhance themselves through a position of
          relative superiority to others who need help.
          Rescuers are frequently praised because of how much
          they help others, yet those who play this role
          sometimes hinder the people they try to help--the
          recipients can become more dependent and experience
          decreased self-confidence. Thus rescuers can also
          create a barrier to other people becoming more
          self-sufficient.
              This problem related to rescuing can easily
          occur in the health, social service, and religious
          professions. Helping others can provide a sense of
          self-worth, but when people need to help others in
          order to feel good about themselves, this dependency
          can interfere with how much they really are helping.
          In the education of such professions there usually is
          an effort to help reduce this role playing and
          eliminate its side effects, but because of its subtle
          deceptiveness, it still can occur. Avoiding this
          problem is part of the challenge in these
          professions.
              Playing the role of persecutor or rescuer often
          occurs in the general population when people
          genuinely try to help, but aren't aware of their real
          inner reasons for doing so and its possible negative
          effects on others. Both these roles can benefit
          society and their value does need to be acknowledged.
          Yet those who play these roles are also beneficiaries
          of personal payoffs which often are not recognized as
          being a motivator for playing the role. Furthermore,
          society could benefit if the adverse affects of
          playing these roles was acknowledged more.
              Aside from how playing these roles can affect
          others, a major problem with all three roles is that
          they inhibit those who play them from dealing with
          their own buried feelings of inferiority--and
          consequently these people remain unable to fully
          accept themselves. To deal with these feelings
          requires the effort and risk of people going into the
          deepest part of their being to confront their fears
          and motivations. It also might mean giving up their
          role of victim, persecutor, or rescuer. But the cost
          of avoiding this self-examination is remaining
          distant from their inner-selves, which also restricts
          them from a broader understanding of humanity.
          
          ROTATING ROLES
              These three roles also share a trait that can
          add more confusion to interpersonal relationships.
          Although people will usually play one main role, they
          will sometimes switch to one of the other roles: the
          victim can change to rescuer for those worse off, and
          to persecutor towards those who they can find fault
          with; the rescuer can become the persecutor when the
          rescue doesn't turn out as expected, and then become
          the victim when the rescue and persecution ultimately
          fail; the persecutor can become a victim of the
          never-ending battle against wrong, and then can end
          up as rescuer to others who are worse off. Regardless
          of which role we begin with, unless we free ourselves
          from playing such roles we will most likely switch to
          another role at some time, and then the resulting
          confusion will make it more difficult to solve our
          problems.
              Role playing and this role rotation can happen
          to some extent in most relationships. But as we
          relate to others from these roles, we decrease the
          likelihood of a positive outcome. If we interact with
          others from a role of us being superior, we are
          masking our feelings of inferiority, and our humanity
          as well.  This mask will eventually interfere with
          our effectiveness. If we relate from a role of
          inadequacy and dependency--the victim--we dilute our
          power and avoid taking responsibility for ourselves.
          
          GAMES
              In his book Games People Play, Berne (1964)
          classified a game as a recurring behavior pattern
          that has a hidden psychological motive different from
          the apparent social motivation. Though he documented
          dozens of games that people commonly play, he also
          pointed out that analyzing games and even refusing to
          play them can become a game, and that this needs to
          be recognized. While it's important not to let our
          interest in games become another game, a basic
          understanding of them will help us recognize and
          overcome them.
              An examination of game playing can be summed up
          in three parts:
          
          1.  Which ego state we are in (Child, Parent, or
              Adult), and which ego state of the other person
              are we relating to and which one are they
              actually in? (If we try to relate to an ego
              state other than the one the person is in, the
              interaction will become tangled.)
          
          2.  Are we putting ourselves in a position of being
              less than equal (inferior and dependent--usually 
              in the role of victim), or more than equal
              (superior--often in the role of persecutor, 
              critic, or rescuer), and how may this be rooted 
              in an underlying feeling of being "not OK"?
          
          3.  What is the hidden purpose, or payoff, for us in
              playing a particular part in an interaction or 
              relationship? How does this payoff hamper us from
              growing?
          
              By reducing game analysis to these three parts,
          we can more easily use it as a tool for understanding
          ourselves and our relationships. As we do so we will
          increase our ability to relate to people as equals,
          while we decrease the effects of role playing and
          hidden payoffs.
          
          SEEING MORE CLEARLY
              An excellent opportunity to use this summary of
          games in conjunction with the process of detached
          personal observation is when we are experiencing
          strife in a relationship. In the midst of such
          conflict we can interrupt how we are reacting and
          mentally step back and observe ourselves, with a calm
          and dispassionate objectivity, to see what ego state
          we are in.
              Clues to this can be found in our body language
          and tone of voice--are we tense in some body area,
          maybe the jaw, chest or arms, or do we seem listless
          or depressed; is our voice unusually loud or soft,
          quick or harsh; are we acting hurt, aggressive or
          defensive? Another important clue is the thoughts we
          are thinking--are they old, recurring tapes of
          thoughts that keep us playing the same old roles or
          games?
              Although we could also try to objectively
          examine the other person to see what ego state they
          are in, this can be difficult to do in a conflict
          situation. And the greater the conflict, the less
          likely we are to be objective. Worse yet, trying to
          do this can distract us from fully examining
          ourselves.
              As we become better at examining ourselves, we
          can extend this process to see if we're coming from a
          position of inferiority and dependency or one of
          superiority, and then what the payoff is for us in
          playing a role or maintaining a certain position.
          Once we identify this payoff, overcoming the role
          will be easier.
              Such observation can be difficult to do in the
          middle of a conflict, and the tendency is to use it
          to examine past situations. Examining our past in
          this way will give us greater insight into our
          problems, as well as be good preliminary experience
          in examining ourselves with greater objectivity.
              But the most benefit from detached personal
          observation takes place when we use it in the here
          and now, at the time we're in the midst of a
          conflict. We don't have to be experts at detecting
          the different aspects of our ego states, life
          scripts, and games. Whenever we find ourselves
          becoming angry or dejected because of some conflict,
          just starting the process of mentally stepping back
          to observe ourselves puts us more into the Adult ego
          state and gives us greater mastery of our choices.
          One very beneficial choice we can sometimes make is
          to consciously let go of our angry feelings.
              The power of this process lies in changing from
          being wrapped up in our conflict and being too close
          to see it clearly, to becoming more of an objective
          observer of ourselves and the conflict. At the same
          time, by interrupting our thinking we automatically
          change it. This in turn also gives us the power to
          alter our feelings, because when we change our
          thoughts, the feelings that accompany our thoughts
          change too. And the more we practice this method of
          observation, as well as choosing to let go of anger
          or other detrimental feelings, the better we will
          become at doing it.
          
          A RISK
              There is also risk in observing ourselves: we
          may find things we don't like. Many times people
          avoid self-examination because it means examining
          one's motivations, beliefs, and true intentions, and
          they're afraid of what they will discover. 
          Nevertheless, we need to find the courage to confront
          our less desirable qualities, and then take the time
          to develop better ways of relating to our world.
          Doing this requires a commitment to working at it,
          but we can gain encouragement by knowing that this is
          the optimal way to live, and that the more we
          practice such self-examination, the easier it will
          become.
              When we do find things in ourselves that we
          don't like, it's important not to be hard on
          ourselves. Instead, we need to accept ourselves as
          inherently good with some qualities that we're trying
          to improve. Throughout life we need to honor our
          inherent worth and reward ourselves for striving to
          improve.
          
          CHEMICAL AND OTHER CONTAMINATION 
              Some words of caution about using detached
          personal observation are also necessary: all
          mind-altering drugs can interfere with the process
          and make it counter-productive.  Alcohol is by far
          the most prevalent and biggest problem, with cocaine
          and amphetamines next on the list. Furthermore, the
          negative effect is multiplied immensely when one
          mind-altering drug is used with another.
              The problem is that mind-altering drugs can
          inhibit the functioning of the Adult ego state in
          very insidious ways. When people are under the
          influence of such a drug and try to use the rational
          Adult mode to examine their situation, their thinking
          more easily becomes contaminated by the negative
          aspects of their Child and Parent. But because of the
          faulty functioning of their Adult, they can't
          sufficiently comprehend how their objectivity and
          judgement has deteriorated.
              If people get into this situation, a clue for
          themselves that they aren't functioning well in their
          Adult ego state occurs when they are angry or
          depressed and their supposedly objective and rational
          observation only makes the situation worse. The best
          option if this happens is for them and others to
          accept that because they are affected by a drug,
          their ability to use their Adult and the process of
          detached personal observation has probably been
          impaired, and therefore they should wait until the
          drug has worn off before dealing with the problem.
          Unfortunately, the mind-altering problem with drugs
          can make it hard to recognize or accept this clue.
              As mentioned in the last chapter, the
          contamination of the Adult ego state by unhelpful
          aspects of the Child and Parent can also take place
          without the effect of drugs. Such contamination
          occurs when we believe we are being objective and
          rational, but the hurts and defenses of our Child
          and/or the rules and judgments of our Parent
          contaminate our Adult. Then our objectivity is
          reduced and our thinking becomes distorted due to the
          contamination.
              We can identify such contamination by
          recognizing when instead of making things better, our
          thinking is causing negative emotions and
          unproductive actions to increase. If we look honestly
          at our past patterns, we may find times when this
          occurred, along with some signals to look for:
          increased feelings of hurt, anger, or inadequacy, and
          authoritarian, manipulative, or defensive behavior.
          Then when a present conflict is deteriorating, we can
          be on the lookout for these signals; if we see them,
          this is an indicator that we need to stop and use
          detached personal observation to find how our Child
          or Parent is contaminating our Adult.
          
              The concepts of the three ego states and life
          scripts incorporating strokes, roles, and games may
          be the most significant advance in self-examination
          since the ancient Greeks stressed "Know thyself."
          Used as tools for examining and understanding
          ourselves, they can help us develop our ability to
          love and be happy. By connecting these concepts with
          the practices in the next chapter, we can further
          enhance our power to improve our lives.
              Making such changes in our lives is not easy,
          but the greatest challenges in life also contain the
          roots for the most fulfilling rewards. The advantage
          in choosing this approach is akin to trimming our
          best sails to take full advantage of the wind's
          power.
          
          
          Questions we can ask ourselves:
          
          1.  What is my life script? In what ways does it
              limit my life to the inaccurate things that I 
              learned as a child? How can I update my life 
              script with information regarding my true 
              abilities and potential?
          
          2.  How do I try to get the strokes I need? Are the 
              ones I give and receive mostly positive or 
              negative? How could I alter my life to receive 
              more positive and unconditional strokes? How 
              could I give more positive strokes?
          
          3.  When do I feel inadequate, inferior, or "not
              OK"? How does this cause me to respond? Do I
              sometimes respond with less ability than I'm 
              really capable of? Do I sometimes assume 
              superiority over others to cover an old, 
              hidden feeling of inferiority?
          
          4.  How might I sometimes play the role of "Victim,
              Rescuer, or Persecutor?" What is the "Payoff" I
              receive if I play one of these roles? What 
              might be a hidden motive for continuing my 
              behavior pattern?
          
          5.  When has my Child or Parent contaminated my
              Adult and caused my thinking to be distorted, 
              which in turn has caused a conflict to escalate 
              or be prolonged? What signals could I be on the
              lookout for so I could use detached personal 
              observation to improve my approach to conflicts?
          
          
          These last two chapters are just the basics of TA.
          Some books that can greatly enhance the use of these
          concepts are:
          
              "I'm OK, You're OK: A Practical Guide to
                                  Transactional Analysis"
                  by Thomas Harris
          (despite the jokes that have resulted from its title, 
           this is an excellent, enjoyable explanation of TA)
                
              "Success Through Transactional Analysis"
                  by Jut Meininger 
          
              "Scripts People Live"
                  by Claude Steiner 
          
              "Beyond Games And Scripts"
                  by Eric Berne 
              (definitive selections of Berne's writings) 
          
              "Self-Esteem"
                  by Matthew McKay and Patrick Fanning
               (although not a TA book, it is excellent and 
               can be used in conjunction with TA principles; 
               emphasizes overcoming fear and self-doubt)