Feedback on my site...interesting emails I've received.
Some are complimentary, some are derogatory...and some are just plain bizarre!

Dissed by a D-list comedian!
In response to this email I sent...

If pot makes you mellow...
...then what's your problem?
I've done the google searches, and this isn't the first time you've sent a rant to
a newspaper.  So you didn't get to wave your doobie under everyone's noses in Kelso
and your fringe organization didn't make a teensy bit of money from it.  Deal with it.

I got this response:

>From: [deleted]
>Sent: Tuesday, October 18, 2005 2:40 PM
>Subject: Re: If pot makes you "mellow"...
>First of all, I dont care what you think "old" comedy writer, whoever you are.
>Secondly, how dare you email me you piece of trash.
       [And this is from someone who puts his email address on his fan page...]
>And third, at least I come up in a Google or Yahoo search, unlike old comedy writers like you ya loser.
      [ - try it!]
>Writing back is fighting back, how stupid are you? And by the way you wannabe any press (be it negative or positive)
>is better than no press. And last but least...
      [I guess this means he can't count to four...]
>...DONT EVER EMAIL ME AGAIN. I WILL consider it harassment and will contact the authorities. Now you're blocked.

>Your work lacks all 4 of the elements that make any material worth reading Comedywriter, it doesn´t have value, quality, tradition or meaning, your writer´s style is very static, it´s not inviting or engaging and you don´t establish any clear basis for the evaluation of your remarks. The purpose of reading is to gain meaning from the text, even when people read just for fun, they still hope to get the value of an entertaining experience and you don´t provide any of that, your work doesn´t convey any emotions, you know what they say, Life without emotions is meaningless and so are texts, I´ll ask you a few basic questions even the most inexperienced reader would ask: 1. What do readers get out of your work?, 2. How does your work make a difference in their lives?, 3. Why should people read what you write?.

So according to you my site isn't funny?  I guess it is now, since I just added your comments!

Here is an interesting Nigerian scam spam.  This guy belongs on TV...
>----- Original Message -----
>From: joseph egoamaka
>Sent: Monday, December 15, 2003 8:30 AM

>Dear Beloved in Christ,
>It is by the grace of God that I received Christ [and so on...] I have the pleasure to share my testimony with you, having seen your contact from the Internet. I am Barrister Joseph Egoamaka [Ego-maker?] the legal adviser to late Mr. and Mrs. Bright Williams, a British couple that lived in my Country Nigeria for 25 years before they both died in the plane crash late last year. [Not too Bright, eh?] These couples were good Christians, they so dedicated to God but they had no child till they died.[Amazing what technology can do to to help dead people have kids!] Throughout their stay in my country, they acquired a lot of properties like lands, house properties, etc. [and Nkomo Boardwalk and Parkomaka Place?]

>He gave me the authority to sell the properties and give out the fund to the Ministries for the work of God.  I realized more than $10,000,000.00 (Ten million US dollars plus) [for those who don't know what numbers are] to be invested into God's work as instructed by the owner, is $10,000,000.00 (Ten million US dollars) [for those who don't know what numbers are AND have attention deficit disorder] only. But Instead of giving the main fund out for the work of God as instructed to me by the owner before his death....I converted the fund to myself with the intention of investing the fund abroad for my personal use.

>I had encounter with Christ when Pastor Benny Hinn was preaching on television ... After hearing the word of God [or at least the ramblings of Benny Hill, excuse me, Benny Hinn] I ...became a born again Christian. I started reading my bible and...discovered that the only way I could have by giving out the fund to the chosen ministry [or by scamming the HELL outta some American idiot] for the purpose of God's wok [God uses a wok?  I thought he used a crock pot or maybe a Holy Grail] as instructed by the owner before his death.

>I asked God to make his choice and direct me to a honest Christian or the chosen ministry that deserves this fund by his Grace. I then came across your address on the Internet as I was browsing through a Christian site [Now that's strange - last time I looked, I was Jewish!] is not only you or your ministry [Ministry?  Huh?] that I picked on [Well, the last phrase was correct at least] the Christian site initially, but after my fervent prayer over it, then you were nominated to me through divine revelation from God [You sure I wasn't nominated by the Republicans?] So if you know that you will use this fund for things that will glorify God's name, then do contact me back first through this my email  You should also forward to me your telephone and fax number for easy communication and to fax you the documents concerning the consignments.

I too have received a message from God.  He said that you will burn in Hell for eternity.  Even if Hell is closed for business, your soul will revert to the new owners in bankruptcy court.

>From: [deleted]
>Sent: Wednesday, July 09, 2003 3:46 PM
>Subject: you

>watch you in the darkness.You know who thy am.Ive invaded your dreams my
>child.The Master wants your soul.I want your flesh.Call to me and i
>shall reveil thy self in darkness.I shall show you the powers of the
>underworld.Im always their when the lights go out my child.Ive called
>your number.<><><><><><><><><><><>

You'll reveal whoself in darkness?
You'll show me the powers of the underwear?  Oh, that's underWORLD.
You've called my number?  That's funny - there's nothing on my caller ID...

>----- Original Message -----
>From: [deleted]
>Sent: Wednesday, July 09, 2003 7:43 PM
>Subject: Re: you
>Master has asigned your number.Not your phone number my child.I watch
>you in the darkness.Everytme you turn off your lights at night to
>sleep.Im there.Look in your dreams,and i am there also.Call to me in the
>darkness.I shall reveil thyself to you.Lord of the underworld,(Master)
>has asigned i to you.special powers await you.Its up to you my
>child.Spirits evil vs good are in battle for you.Which way do you wish
>to go my child?

So the Master is the one who sent me the new PIN number for the ATM card?
I thought it was funny that my number ended in 666.
You watch me in darkness? You got one of those cool new infrared scopes too?
You are there in my dreams?  Damn you, girl who keeps turning me down in high school!
How do I call you in the darkness?  1-800-COLLECT?
If special powers await me, how do I pick them up?  Oh, I get it - this is one of those
timeshare condo vacation resort deals where I have to go to some demonic hotel and listen to
a one-hour presentation to claim them, right?

>----- Original Message -----
>From: [deleted]
<Sent: Thursday, July 10, 2003 10:19 PM
>Subject: YOU

>want to play games?Satan likes to play.Call out to calimia warrior
>demoness.All you have to do is ask Saton for power,and give your soul to
>him.And you will gain eternal power .through me he will show you thy
>way.Your day will come.Through your way of living.You've been assigned
>your number in his book.He knows you well.I am his deciple.Atm? infrared
>scope? 1-800-Collect? You foolish child.You will learn thy hard way.But
>you Will learn.See you child.

Games? Calimia warrior demoness? Is she X-box or is she PlayStation?
I asked Satan for power, but he told me I'd have to call the electric company.
Can he get me free satellite TV instead?
I don't have soul, being a white guy.  I also have no rhythm, and I really suck at basketball.
I've been assigned a number in Satan's Blue Book?  Damn, I must have really depreciated
since being driven off the lot.
And by the way, next time you talk to the old pointy-tailed homie, tell him to give you the
power of correct spelling.  Your poor spelling gives the underworld a bad rep.

>----- Original Message -----
>From: [deleted]
>Sent: Saturday, July 12, 2003 2:39 PM
>Subject: Re: YOU, not ME

>human being has a soul.I do for a white demoness.Saton has no blue
>book.Only thy book of thy dead.We dont care much about spelling.Since
>you think this is a joke,or a game.I will leave you...until your day
>comes.Then i will teach you thy power that resides in you.

I never said I didn't have A soul, I said I didn't have SOUL.  Man, you 500 year
old demons have no sense of humor - that's why I hang with the Gen-X
400 year old demons.
Your book of the dead will never be on the top 10 best seller list unless you
proofread it first.  It'll never make Oprah's book club either.
THINK this is a joke?  I know this is a joke. I know the power that resides in me.
Feel the power of my sarcasm!  Soon you will become a slave of ridicule serving
me as my straight man for my puns.  You will call my name in the darkness,
and say "Why did the chicken cross the road?"
And I will answer you.  "Because the damn light turned green."

>From: Steve & Ginny Grudzinski To: n3eg
Sent: Saturday, July 27, 2002 08:02 Subject: Ham Humor

>Mr. Garber
>I am the editor or my local Amateur Radio Club newsletter.
>It is the Downey Amateur Radio Club and our newsletter is called the Q5  We
>are a local southern California radio service club.
>I would like to use an excerpt from your Ham humor page - from the article
>called "You might be a No-Theory Technician if:" (I actually will only use
>about 5 of the lines .... They are all great, but space does not permit)
>Please let me know if this is possible - credit would be given to you in the newsletter.
>Thank you, Ginny Grudzinski AD6CW have my permission!  Just make sure you get my callsign right,
or this contact will not count and will have to be removed from the logsheet...

>From: Bill Beach
Sent: Wednesday, July 03, 2002 21:52
Subject: Re: [RM-APRS] KPC 3+ A/D Converter Input Voltage Resistors

>Andy--here's also a web site that I found useful:

>Bill Beach K0UT
Fort Collins, CO

> Can Anyone help with a formula to calculate what size resistors I need to
> place in R13 or R27 to attenuate a 15VDC max input down to 5VDC max for a
> KPC 3+. Manual just says resistors are needed if Voltage is to exceed 5VDC
> Max use test point J and K to check this voltage. I am not sure what size
> resistors to start with. Hate to be to small and burn something out when
> trying to measure it a tap point J and K. Manual says it will handle up to
> 50vdc if attenuatted with resistors but gives no formula.

>From: Jim & Carol Todd
To: esgarber
Sent: Saturday, June 22, 2002 21:50
Subject: web page comments

>Just looking at web pages to get ideas for ours.  Want to say we liked yours.    We are
hams from Oregon currently living in the Marshall Islands:  Jim, KC7OKZ currently V73KZ
and Carol, KC7TSX currently V73SX.  We enjoy causing pile-ups and just chatting. mainly
on 15 & 20 meter SSB.   Thanks for stirring up our NW memories.  We have web page
that we recently put together with Microsoft Publisher - it works - but not as nicely as yours.

>73, Jim & Carol Todd

>From: "Ryan Tourge" <[removed]>
To: <esgarber>
Subject: HT600 for APRS
Date: Tue, 26 Mar 2002 17:27:13 -0500
great site! Thanks for the info. I just converted an MT1000 for APRS
(using a Tiny Trak II module). Added the BNC and brought power up to the
accessory connector.
I'm going to leave it at 5 watts for now as I still use it as a portable
on occasion.  Thanks again!


>Date: Thu, 1 Nov 2001 21:50:33 -0500 (EST)
From: lilSPOOKY <[deleted]>
Subject: Re: Website additions
To: "Earl S. Garber"
Hey you crazy nut!!!!!
I love this stuff!!!!!  The irony???  I had to pick a
song in grade 11 to perform an action out scene for
theater arts ya know....Anyhow....It juust happened to
be the Billy Joe and Bobby Sue song..course I like
your scenario so much better..Damn, Id of killed to
even be driving a Pinto at that time....lolol
Keep.....writting..this stuff!!!!  Maybe we just have
the same sence of haha...but I truly sit here with the
stooopidist grin on my face reading your writing!!!
Hope all is well

This guy thinks I'm running "Radios 'R' Us"...

>From: [deleted]
Subject: radio prices
Date: Sat, 13 Apr 2002 00:25:48 -0400
I have a large lot of radios of all makes I need to find retail pricing
on.  DO you know where I can get this info?  Any help you could give me
would be greatly appreciated.

>[deleted] wrote:
>Hi Earl!
I found someone to give me the Novice test in 1974 the same way!  Thank God
that there is no privacy in ham radio!!!!
Peace and 73,

>----- Original Message -----
From: "Earl S. Garber"
To: "TAPR APRS Special Interest Group" <>
Sent: Friday, September 01, 2000 2:26 PM
Subject: [aprssig] Re: Top 10 reasons to Opt-Out
> At 11:14 PM 8/31/00, ****** wrote:
> Someone might stumble across findu, then just happen to pick my
> call at random, then just happen to find out that I live nearby, then
> they may just . . . well, they could . . .

 ...knock on your door, and when you answered, say something like:
"Hey, this ham radio stuff is cool!  How do I get my license?"
In 1975, with a copy of that privacy-invading Callbook, I found
someone who would give me my Technician test that way.

 ...N3EG  (x-yes-archive)

This fine piece of work is either a spam or a scam - either way, it's funny...

>Dear Dr. Garber:
The mail was sent exclusively to you,
since it was pointed out to me that you are extremely successfull
in the anti-spam fighting, and our conference needs a keynote on the topic
of anti-spam fighting.
As you know, one of our keynotes is given by a Nobel Laureate from MIT.
We like to ask you if you can give another keynote on the anti-spam
problem. Would you be interested?
Best regards - Veljko Milutinovic
General Chairman of the SSGRR-2002S
The early registration price for the 6-day stay at SSGRR is EURO1200
(if you represent an institution) or EURO1440 (if you come as an individual)
We invite participants from three groups:
A: Researchers from the list of the most referenced scientists
B: VIPs of succesfull high-tech companies
C: Young talent (according to the criteria of the Organizing Committee)

Update:  I got another one this year...

Respected Dr. Garber
We are honored to invite you to submit and present your paper(s)
at the two SSGRR conferences specified below:
Check with past participants (their names/emails are on the WWW).
Most of them believe this is the most interesting, rewarding,
and definitely the most hospitable conference they ever attended!
Fast professional and peer review in 15 days.
Payment (see WWW for details):
No conference fee for those with papers to present (others: euro600).
No fee for tutorials.
All participants must stay inside SSGRR (no outside stays allowed).
Full 6-day stay (from Monday evening till Sunday breakfast): euro1200.
A 5-day stay (without one tutorial day): euro1000.
Minimal 4-day stay (for research papers only): euro 800.
Favourable conditions for accompanying persons (see the WWW).

But wait - there's MORE!

Date: Sat, 30 Nov 2002 17:33:04 +0100
Subject: Invitation to e-attend an NYU e-business seminar!

Dear Dr. Garber:

NEW YORK UNIVERSITY's Director of ...invites you to e-attend
the next SYNCHRONOUS VoiceOverIP lecture

Aw, you guys can just e-bite me already!
I guess you could consider me a doctor of something, much in the same category
as Dr. Demento...

Here is a ham related spam from some idiot trying to sell something, and hiding
behind a poorly spelled spam "newsletter" full of grammatical errors, misstatements,
and outright lies.  Note that this DOOFUS says he found me under "N7EG" in QRZ.

Someone with a commercial website wrote:

>Date:  Fri, 14 Apr 00 23:38:10 Mountain Daylight Time
>To:  <esgarber>

>Volume 1, Issue 4 April 15, 2000
>GREETINGS TO:  N7EG  Your new issue is ready to view.
>1.)... About this News Magazine
>2.)... Late Breaking Amateur NEWS briefs
>3.)... What's going on at the FCC?
>4.)... Below 30 Mhz
>5.)... Tech Tip
>6.)... Ham's speak out (Your chance to be heard)
>7.)... How do I????
>8.)... Play the TRIVIA CONTEST.(N7EG Could WIN THE PRIZE!)
>9.)... New Equipment releases
>10.).. Amateur related Book Review
>11.).. Up Coming HamFest & Other Events
>12.).. Photo of the week (Just a Nice Picture!)
>If your callsign appears at the top of News Magazine there
> is (NO NEED) to subscribe again.
>If this is your first issue, your address was acquired from
>the signup form in our website or the public email listing you
>posted on QRZ.COM. We do not SPAM mail! Never sell or give
>away our email data base, all addresses are held confidential.
>If you have received this News Magazine and wish to be
>removed from any further emailing. Please type the word
>"REMOVE" and "N7EG" in the Subject line of your
>reply to..

I'm surprised there isn't something saying "Spank the Monkey and Win $20!!!"


Date: Mon, 10 Apr 2000 14:13:17 -0700
From: "Keith McDonald"
To: <esgarber>

>Earl, I think your website is GREAT!!!  I enjoyed it very much when I found it today.
>Thanks again for all your help on my APRS equipment and software at the
>Winter gathering.  I couldn't make the computer and TNC communicate and all
>the advice that I had gotten from others didn't solve the problem either.
>You saved the day.  N7JSK

It wasn't an easy one to fix, either...MY first try didn't work, and
I had to spend some time reading the book!


 Subject:  WEB PAge...
   Date:  Thu, 27 Jan 2000 10:21:33 -0800
   From:  "Bemis, Jeffrey"
     To:  esgarber

Jeffrey Bemis wrote:

>What a great page!!
>I am turning my 4Runner into something that your mobile comm center looks like...
>Great sense of humor and was fun to view the WEB page..
>Jeff  WD9HNZ

Like I said, why NOT do a web page!  Everyone should have one,
especially with the disk space included with your ISP account.
All my stuff only takes up 1 meg, and I still have 9 megs left!


Subject: FREE Internet, Web, Email
   Date: Sun, 02 Jan 2000 17:27:58 PST
   From:"(deleted)" <(deleted)>
     To: esgarber

(Name deleted to protect the guilty) wrote:

> Earl, you were a geek and and ass since I've known you, now you sound like a psycho.
> You belong in Seattle.
> QFU and 37,
> (deleted)
> Get Your Private, Free Email at

You don't know anything about me.
Maybe that explains why I'm in Longview, NOT Seattle.
A very QRO QFU to you, O F ...
and 210 to ya, good buddy  (that's seventy threes, if you can count)


Subject: Re: Leap year 2000
       Date: Thu, 16 Sep 1999 20:56:33 -0700
      From: "Earl S. Garber"
        To:  Jeremy Shawn

Jeremy Shawn wrote:

> Earl, how many programmers are actually aware that 2000 is a leap year?
> If they don't factor in this date, will it be Y2K again?  Jeremy.

No, it won't be Y2K again, but it'll really hit them when they find out that
they are 8 hours short on their paychecks!!!