Note: This service was created in 1996 by the Humanistic Jews of Greater Portland (Oregon, U.S.A.) which is now Kol Shalom, Community for Humanistic Judaism. For information regarding Kol Shalom see our web page at: www.kolshalom.org HUMANISTIC JEWS OF GREATER PORTLAND MEMORIAL SERVICE NOTES ON USING THIS SERVICE: 1. A personalized version of this service will be produced quickly upon request by HJGP. It can be reproduced and distributed at the service. 2. Alternate readings (overside) can be substituted. 3. The location of this service is at the discretion of the family of the deceased. Possibilities include the chapel at Mittleman JCC, a home setting, or a funeral home chapel. 4. HJGP will supply a representative to lead this service if requested. HJGP musicians may be available to help lead music. 5. HJGP maintains a small archive of recorded music which may be used at the service. 6. Major portions of this service have been adapted from "A Humanist Memorial Service," compiled by Larry Reyka, Humanist Chaplain of the Humanist Society of Friends, and made available by the American Humanist Association. HJGP MEMORIAL SERVICE COMMITTEE Sharon Buckmaster Joe Fagan & Diane Bushell Elissa Burian Walter & Roberta Hellman Judith Meller Florence & Al Tauber 1/96 ALTERNATE READINGS HUMANISTIC JEWS OF GREATER PORTLAND MEMORIAL SERVICE Setting: home, Mittleman Chapel, funeral home secular chapel, other family choice Bema adornments (suggested): plants or flowering plants (not cut flowers), photos, momentos, Jewish symbols such as Star of David Order of Service: I. Musical background during initial gathering and seating II. Niggun III. Opening Words IV. Candle Lighting; Kaddish V. Music VI. Address VII. Personal readings/Eulogy VIII. Summation & Benediction I. Musical background during initial gathering and seating. Taped or other recorded music either chosen by, or reflective of the honored person. HJGP makes available Kol Nidre CD II. Niggun (song without words) Live performance. III. Opening words (Leader: HJGP designee or family member/friend) Shalom. We have gathered here to acknowledge the death of *** whom we have known and loved. When someone we have cared for dies, family and friends gather with sorrow in their hearts. At times when we must face death and loss, we need one another's company for understanding and support. Just to be together, to look into one another's faces, takes away some of our loneliness and draws our hearts together in the healing which we can offer one another. At such times, the ways that sustain us separately come together in a virtual harmony that acts across all creeds and assures us of the permanence of human goodness and hope. So we are gathered here today in grief and sorrow, but we have also gathered to celebrate a life. We have come together to give thanks we knew this vibrant person, to express our gratitude for the days and years we were able to share with ***. We are here to remember and memorialize a good and caring life. By remembering the best of ***, by recalling some of his finest qualities, by honoring the principles, values and dreams which guided his life, some of ***'s enduring legacy flows into us, that we ourselves may find more meaning in the days ahead. We are gathered for all these things. But our first task is to face, full and unafraid, the reality of this death and the grief and loss we feel. Centuries ago the Roman philosopher Seneca wrote: "In the presence of death, we must continue to sing the song of life. We must be able to accept death and go from its presence better able to bear our burdens and to lighten the load of others. Out of our sorrows should come understanding. Through our sorrows, we join with all of those before who have had to suffer and all of those who will yet have to do so. Let us not be gripped by the fear of death. If another day be added to our lives, let us joyfully receive it, but let us not anxiously depend on our tomorrows. Though we grieve the deaths of our loved ones, we accept them and hold on to our memories as precious gifts. Let us make the best of our loved ones while they are with us, and let us not bury our love with death." IV. Candle Lighting and Kaddish (Light Candles) Blessing: Ba-ruch Ha-or Ba-o-lam. Ba-rukh Ha-or Ba-a-dam Ba-rukh Ha-or B'*** Responsive Reading: Yitgadal v'yitkadash, nish-mat a-dam Magnified and hallowed be the spirit of humanity He who taught us to laugh and to cry We will remember him Yitgadal v'yitkadash, nish-mat a-dam He who held us and whom we held, We will remember him Yitgadal v'yitkadash, nish-mat a-dam He who loved us and whom we loved We will remember him Yitgadal v'yitkadash, nish-mat a-dam At the rising of the sun and at its going down We will remember him Yitgadal v'yitkadash, nish-mat a-dam At the blowing of the wind in the chill of winter, We will remember him Yitgadal v'yitkadash, nish-mat a-dam At the opening of the buds in the rebirth of spring We will remember him Yitgadal v'yitkadash, nish-mat a-dam When we are weary and in need of strength When we are lost and sick at heart When we have decisions that are difficult to make When we have joys we yearn to share We will remember him Yitgadal v'yitkadash, nish-mat a-dam When we seek advice that does not come, When we are alone and afraid, We will remember him Yitgadal v'yitkadash, nish-mat a-dam As long as we live, he too will live, For he is a part of us We will remember him Yitgadal v'yitkadash, nish-mat a-dam Reading: Birth is a beginning And death a destination And life is a journey: From childhood to maturity And youth to age; From innocence to awareness And ignorance to knowing; From foolishness to discretion And, then perhaps, to wisdom; From weakness to strength Or strength to weakness-- And, often, back again; From Health to sickness And back, we hope, to health again; From offense to forgiveness, From loneliness to love, From joy to gratitude, From pain to compassion, And grief to understanding-- From fear to faith; From defeat to defeat to defeat-- Until, looking backward or ahead, We see that victory lies Not at some high place along the way, But in having made the journey, state by stage, A sacred pilgrimage. Birth is a beginning And death a destination/ And life is a journey, A sacred pilgrimage. V. Music PRAISE THE LIGHT (to tune of Shalom Alechem) Words: W. Hellman (All sing) Praise the light that shines within the good of heart Good of heart, praise the light Let it shine, through the dark of night Dark of night, let it shine And for the sadness And for the sadness Save the light Our world...is...what we make of it Oh let us make it light Our world...is...what we make of it Oh let us make it light MA TOVOO (All sing) Ma to-voo A-ha-le-kha ya-a-kov, Mish-ke-no-te-kha Yis-ra-al (repeat) Ya-a-kov, How beautiful are your tents, And thy dwelling places Isreal VI. Address (Leader) No one person can sum up the life of another. Life is too precious to be passed over with mere words which ring empty. Rather it must remain as it is remembered by those who loved and watched and shared. For such memories are alive, unbounded by events of birth and death. And as living memories, we possess the greatest gift one person can give another. It is to each of us then, that the living memories of ***'s life are committed. To our hearts and minds go the enduring remembrances of this life. There will now be a period of silence. Let each of us use these moments to remember ***. Let us enter this meditation with reverence and with love. [After roughly 1-3 minutes] VII. Personal Readings/ Eulogies Now, as your spirit moves you to do so, please share your living memories of *** with the rest of his family and friends VIII. Summation and Benediction (Leader) And finally, the Native American Ishi people of the Pacific Northwest, who imagined that their dead spoke to them saying, "When I am dead, cry for me a little, think of me sometimes, but not too much. It is not good for you to allow your thoughts to dwell too long upon the dead. Think of me now and again as I was in life, at some moment which is pleasant to recall, but not for too long. Leave me in peace, as I shall too leave you in peace. While you live, let your thoughts be with the living" BENEDICTION It is done. We have bid loving farewell to ***. We are profoundly glad that *** lived. We are glad that we saw his face and felt the glow of is friendship and love. Carrying him thus in our hearts, let us now proceed from this place in comfort and peace, assured that even in this time of loss and sorrow, life remains precious and good. May we also on this day rekindle in our hearts and appreciation for the gifts of life and other persons. Let us honor the life of *** by living, ourselves, more nobly and loving in the days ahead. As we return to our lives, let us go in love, and may the memory of *** go with us. Shalom. ALTERNATE READINGS Ecclesiastes 3:1 To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die a time to plant, and a time to reap a time to kill, and a time to heal a time to break down, and a time to build up a time to weep, and a time to laugh a time to mourn, and a time to dance a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing a time to seek, and a time to lose a time to keep, and a time to cast away a time to rend, and a time to sew a time to keep silence, and a time to speak a time to love, and a time to hate a time of war, and a time of peace DIRGE WITHOUT MUSIC Edna St. Vincent Millay I am not resigned to the shutting away of loving hearts in the hard ground. So it is, and so it will be, for so it has been, time out of mind: Into the darkness they go, the wise and the lovely. Crowned With lilies and with laurel they go; but I am not resigned. Lovers and thinkers, into the earth with you. Be one with the dull, the indiscriminate dust. A fragment of what you felt, of what you knew, A formula, a phrase remains, --- but the best is lost. The answers quick & keen, the honest look, the laughter, the love, They are gone. They have gone to feed the roses. Elegant and curled Is the blossom. Fragrant is the blossom. I know. But I do not approve. More precious was the light in your eyes than all the roses in the world. Down, down, down into the darkness of the grave Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind; Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave. I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned.