You might be a No-Theory Technician if:

...You think that "balun" is pronounced "balloon" - and show a QST ad about a kilowatt
    helium-filled balun to prove it.

...You think that the Ten-Ten club is a Bo Derek fan club.

...You think that WWV stands for "World War 5."

...You turn on the BFO, but assume it's not working because there's no disco beat.

...You get angry with another CW operator after hearing what sounds like SO  LID  COPY.

...You take your two meter transceiver back to the store because it only has one meter.

...You think that an "antenna feedpoint" is a barbecue at a tower raising party.

...You think that "high SWR" is a bad antenna on a tall building.

...You think that "reflected power" is when a weightlifter looks in a mirror.

...You keep looking for the LED on the zeppelin.

...You think a "transmatch" is a dating service for cross-dressers.

...You go to the library looking for "Hooked on Phonetics."

...You read a sex manual to tell the difference between male and female connectors.

...You think a "thyristor" is a resistor with a thyroid problem.

...You think "corona discharge" is drinking a bottle of beer.

...You keep saluting your "soldiering" iron.

...You think that ARES is a Greek god or a constellation.

...You think that Army MARS is somehow connected with Area 51.

...You try to use your Halo antenna mounted on your head.

...You ask why a Faraday shield is used to keep Faradays out.

...You wonder why a tank coil isn't inside a tank.

...You keep trying to coax your Coax.

...You say, "QRZ the frequency"  and you think you hear the frequency answer.

...You recommend a good veterinarian to the guy calling "CQ Dog X-ray"

...You don't understand why the RACES drill isn't held at the race track.

...You bring a model ARES rocket to the ARES drill.

...You ask Net Control how his fishing is going.

...You think Zulu Time is an African time zone.

...You think Greenwich Mean Time is when you've offended a British operator.

...You think tropospheric ducting should be fixed with duct tape.

...You try to refill a capacitor's electrolyte with Gatorade.

...You think a PL-259 is a 259 cycle subaudible tone.

...You won't use a UHF connector on VHF or HF because it's only for UHF.

...You think a reactance modulator is a ham yelling into his microphone after coming in
       contact with a hot soldering iron.

...You believe that a Simulated Emergency Test is a simulation of an emergency test or a
      test of an emergency simulation.

...You hear about repeater desensitization and you wonder what kind of TV violence it
       has been exposed to.

...You think "packet radio" is a handheld sealed in a foil pouch.

...You ask a woman named Crystal if you can be her oscillator.

...You think a phasing harness is a weapons holster from Star Trek.

...You ask your doctor if skin effect is caused by anthrax.

...You think a delta loop is part of a faucet.

...Your radio kit manual says "When soldering PC boards, make sure you have no shorts"
      and so you take off your pants.

...Your radio's synthesizer is locked, but you keep looking for the key.

...You can find your control head, but you wonder where the tail is.

...You think "dielectric" means death in the electric chair.

...You have to hike into a field to use your field strength meter.

...You reset your GMT clock for daylight savings time.

...When told your SSB signal is splattering, you go get a napkin.

...You look for your antenna radiation pattern in a sewing magazine.

...You measure your antenna with an ohmmeter to see if it's 50 ohms.

...You use a Geiger counter to check FCC radiation exposure compliance.

...You think some guy named "R. F. Burns" is stalking you.

...You think a Megacycle is the new Harley-Davidson.

...You think PSK31 is an upgrade from PSK3.0

...You can't tell a Yaesu radio from a Yuasa battery.

...You think that single sideband is only for operators who are single.

...You can't get your Echolink working because you can't hear an echo.

...You think that diversity reception means painting one receive antenna black and the other white.

...You see duplexer cavities and think they're tanks full of gas about to explode, and you run like hell.

...You think a "T" connector will never match up with an "N" connector.

...You think coil slugs are spiral shaped slimy garden creatures.

...You try to trim a trimmer capacitor with scissors.

...You think test probes are only used by aliens.

...You stay out of the sun, afraid that you'll get sunspots.

...You think antenna traps are used to catch antennas.

...You think toroids are like hemorrhoids, but on your toe.

...You wonder why rubber ducky antennas aren't yellow.

...You insist on having to use a collinear antenna with a linear amp.

...You think that Solar Flares are shot from flare guns by people stranded on the sun.

...You like heterodynes, but you are afraid you'll run into a homodyne.

...For the same reason, you like white noise...

...You think the F-layer was created by dropping an F-bomb.

...You think Bluetooth is a new toothpaste.

...You call it a "bit error" when you bite your tongue.

...You think you've broken Ohm's Law, and you're going to wind up in Circuit Court
    being charged by a capacitor.

...Same with regard to Kirchoff's Law, but it involves vodka.

...You think Phelps Dodge was a car dealer.

...You hear static on your radio, and you think it's coming from a static RAM chip.

...You think RAM chips are what goats leave behind.

...You think a phone patch is to relieve addiction to your cellular phone.

...You wonder who drives the steamroller and creates those smoothed sunspots.

...You think a cross needle meter is a religious program to relieve another addiction.

...You can't find the TNC connector on your TNC.

...You thnk that Solar Flux is for eco-friendly soldering.

...You spend hours listening to the music on 18.100 MHz.

...You think a cold solder joint can get you high.

...You think a vacuum tube is an attachment on your Hoover.

...You use the acronym "BARF" (Bad Ass Radio Failure)

...You call up HRO wanting a digital radio and order a Yaesu FT8.