From an email about radio site equipment:

Please take the time to review the attached review of the attached pdf files of the multilink pedestal,
Marconi mesa sports Emerson protectors and shelters. These are all new surplus and come with
a three year limited warranty.
[Enjoy the previous message previously messaged for your enjoyment.]

From a CenDyne CD-RW drive warranty card:

Please porceed the registration immediately on the Internet Web site of...
[Please porceed to the porcine porcelain bank and buy a new one already!]
 

From a Midland ham radio manual:

Frequency controls:  PLL (VCO) 203.1 MHz to 208.1 MHz, No Dubling
[Not available in Dublin.]

TX Younger Unit: Signal from the VCO and Signal which is selected from X701
to X705 and oscillated by Q706 in IF unit are mixed with balanced mixer Q401
and Q402...
[The Younger Unit description just made me a little bit older...]

Counter Unit: The PLL IF is amplified by Q304 and then generated by Q303 and
fed into IC304. This signal is divided in half by IC304. It is then program-divided
by IC301 to produce an output of 25 KHz. On the other hand, X301 (10.24 MHz)
is oscillated by Q306, and fed into IC304...
[And that makes me feel oscillated and generated. On the other hand...]

...Q557 and Q558 are worked as protector circuit.
[Work it, baby, work it! ]

When the excessive power happens to be supplied in transmit or receive,
Q558 is automatically cut off...
Yep, excessive power, like shit, happens.]

THE 13-513 HAS BEEN FACTORY ALIGNED USING TECHNIQUES AND
TEST EQUIPMENTS NOT NORMALLY AVAILABLE TO THE SERVICE
TECHNICIAN.
Equipment required:
a) ...
b) Synchroscope (DC to more than 250 MHz)
[Also required: explanation of what the hell a synchroscope is!]

...and also adjust them so as to be within 20% of amplitude difference in case
221 and 222MHz bands are switched over each other.
[But if they were switched under each other, THAT would be unnatural.]

Repeat the above step c) through e) adjustments repeatedly.
[And that was redundant redundantly.]

...13.8 volts controlled by APC or unlooked signal.
[If a signal happened in the forest, and was unlooked, would it still make noise?]