Success? Lessons: Theme 1 Respect?
By Odell Sneeden Hathaway, III.
Success? Lessons: Theme 1 RespectCopywrite ©, 2008 By Odell Sneeden Hathaway, III * I wanted to prove to the whole world that I was not brain damaged. I was a person worthy of respect and even admiration. (From Being an Astronaut). * I wanted to prove it to my self (most of all) (from being an Astronaut). * Respect and the idea that others could respect me. (From being a Vulcan). * Having respect. (From being a photo Journalist). * Sense of Pride and accomplishment. (From being a Pilot). * Showing every one else that I am better then them. (From being a Pilot). * Finding self respect and a feeling of accomplishing something that was impossible. (From being a priest). * Wanting to emulate a man that I had great respect and love for. (From being a priest). * Wanting to be like my Father (from being a photo Journalist). * The pride of creation. (From being a writer). This category above all was the one that surprised me the most and has made me have to think. It should not be a surprise that someone who has had the early life that I had would want the respect that every one deserves and I did not get. But frankly it was a surprise to me! The reason for this is that I would think that respect would be an Ego attachment and I would have hoped that I was developed be owned the need of it. What does it matter what others think of me as long as I know who I am and there is the rub. I believe that most of the respect I have been searching for in these dreams is not so much respect of others as it is respect for my self. It is not easy to over come the power of your mother’s words when she tells you that you are brain damaged. It is not easy to respect ones self when the only image you have of your self is the extremely distorted image coming back to you from the mirror of those around you. An image of what they have been told you are not what you really are. I know that this self image was the main reason that I was never able to attempt to make contact with that Little Girl I Loved. I also know that I have in very large part been able to learn to respect my self and see my self as a very intelligent, kind, spiritual person worthy not only of my own but of others respect. At least I think so but there is always that part of me that is afraid of slipping backwards and finding that either my intelligents was not real or now with my medical conditions has been lost. How am I doing? I would have to say that I have done very well at earning both my own respect and that of others. I know that the people I work with all respect my talents and that the people I know seem to respect me as well. One of the things that makes me wonder about respect and makes me feel like a failure is the almost total lack of respect shown to me by my wife. Not just the fact that she took drugs and sold her self to get them. But the fact that she never CARED for me. I believe that the word care is a verb. That when you say I care for you that means you do something to care for the person. I cared for my wife every day of our married life but she almost never cared for me. When I got out of the hospital after having my cancer removed she did not even make me a meal. I loved her so but she did not even have the courtesy to help with the laundry. And that adds to my feeling of failure. I do not like to think of my self as caring what other people think of me but at some level I think we all do. I know that the fact that my wife was a Crack Ho makes me think that others think of me that way. I know that in the ER all the times I had to take her there I was worried that the Doctors would not respect me enough to let me know what was going on with my wife because they would think I had the same problem or encouraged her in it. But my biggest concern with self respect would have to be the future I have worked very hard to bring my self and my mind to this state but now it is all threaten by my medical problems. I do not want to be Charlie Gordon (of Flowers for Algernon). But every day I see things that make me think that my Cognitive skills have degraded. Especially in my ability to speak. My wife used to complain that I sounded like I was mad at her because I would annunciate while I was speaking. Oh how I wish I could do that today. Success? Lessons: Theme 2, 3, 4, Creative, Control, Love! |
Thank you for Surfing by. If you would like to write to me press = osh@teleport.com
Even on the NET I can't spell Tree, updated