New Papland

Stupid Cosco bastards

So I have a goofy work schedule. I arrive at seven pm and sit around trying not to lose my mind until seven thirty am. And yes it is a struggle to keep sane. This week I was asked "Hey do you think Jesus died a virgin, I bet he at least masturbated." Yes ... indeed. When I get home, there are scrambled eggs, exhaustion and me plopping in bed. But last week I dared to try something different. The results were not good.

The Wii managed to elude me on midnight launch so the hunt has been on. I get a phone call in the morning at the end of my last work day. "Cosco's getting Wii's in, go now." Being I'm a whore for new toys and thinking there will be much sleep on thanksgiving anyway, I head to the nearest PDX Cosco - Wilsonville. I pull in near the front and throw the seat back to nap until they're open. (time passes) Now rummy and starting to smell bad I wander out as they open but ... guess what? No Wiis, no fucking Wiis, no nothing, no jack and shit, just a bunch of bulk cheese and crap. Fucking fucks! The phone rings again "Ok Wilsonville cosco didn't get any in. But the other Portland ones did." Thanks magic voice. I set my phone to vibrate and throw it at a baby to release some anger.

After that it gets a little hazy. There was a ride to another Cosco I think but no Nintendos were found. And just in case the police talk to you, there wasn't a body found out back in the dumpster. I headed back and got my phone from the baby, stupid kid ran up a bunch of text messages! Fucking Elmo!

Those sure are some diverse kids enjoying the wii up there. Yup, just gonna leave that one alone.