"Better (or worse) yet, drivers have found hearing aids, false teeth, and crutches. Oddest of all, though,
 was when someone (?) walked away without his or her wheelchair."

-Willamette Week, 7/19/00, Best of Portland Issue: "Best Apparent Faith Healing on a Tri-met Bus"

Miracle on Vaughn Street

Give me your umbrellas,
Your watches,
Your trenchcoats,
Your crutches…

Someone was healed on the bus today - 
Rays of blinding light refracted through unwashed windows
Healed sinew, regenerated flesh, knitted bone
And laid hands upon the sacred heart.

Clean rooms become reality on the bus today - 
Vanquishing Virus's, besieging bacteria,
And incarcerating carcinoma on an "Out of Service" 
Heading back to the garage.

I saaaiddd!!!, someone was heaaalled on the bus today - 
Jumped off the platform like it was a ten meter board
And stuck the landing on the sidewalk,
Folded up the footrests of a wheelchair 
And left their St. Christopher medal for the driver.

Ultrasounds became obsolete on the bus today - 
Drivers will now be delivering all babies,
"The Boy in the Plastic Bubble" bought an All Zones ticket,
And farecheckers have been cleared to perform minor surgery.

Video billboards were reprogrammed on bus routes today - 
Announcing that the Pope will close every Catholic hospital and Urgent Care
Starting with Holy, Blessed and Saint
(Condoms are to be handed out with the new schedules)
And consecration of Hollywood Transit Center by the Promise Keepers and Luis Palau
Begins at noon.

Jesus turned up on the bus today - 
Healed a blind man, 
Bummed a few free stops from the driver
And parted the doors with a grail,
Full of Seattle's Best Coffee.

Give me your change
Your coughdrops
Your prosthetics
Your wallets - 

"Everyone gets healed on the bus today!"

© J. Wheeler 7/00