Goodness Gracious

Awful damn dark out here in the middle of nowhere.  Before they go to 
sleep, the people down there call me.  Every last one of them places a 
pricey collect call.  If they bang their thumb on a hammer, they blame me.  
Anybody on that blue marble gets angry, they start cursing.  When little 
kids fly in airplanes, their eyes look for me.  The day you die, you have to 
pass security at my gate.  Once in a while, I have to throw bolts of 
lightning.  After a devastating tornado, insurance companies call it an act.  
Say something happens by accident; then it's my will.  Lots of employees 
get paid big bucks for talking about me.  Everybody yells my name at the 
climax to their sex.  It took me one week to make everything from scratch.  
I get one day out of seven to rest, but it's football games.  Whenever 
someone doesn't understand, they ask why them.  Supposedly I kicked 
man and woman out because they were nudists.  Do you know how many 
wings I have to furnish these people?  I swear to myself it gets so hard 
being the only one.  Sure, I got friends but they're either fat or dark.  And 
enemies come a dime a dozen unless you count my ex.  I've been put to 
use to wipe away somebody's sneeze.  There are people who don't 
believe in me, but who believes them?  Some of you wise guys think that 
backwards I'm a dog.  George Burns revived his career off me, but no 
thank you note.  Once in a while a person has a vision of me, only they're 
near death.  They say I loved the world so much I gave her a son.  The 
New York Times once put me in their headlines, but I was dead.  I do have 
a genre of music inspired by me; ever hear of it?  Some scholars claim I'm 
good; others claim I'm vengeful.  Actually I don't help people unless they 
ask me to help.  Yes, I give, but the government's the one who takes it 
away.  Don't bother trying to figure me out because I don't know myself.